I’m not really sure how to put this but recently I’ve had so much weighing on my mind that it’s become hard to not change everything. I’ve had a lot of time to think over things, I really think that I should just pick up and leave to somewhere that I feel would be a better environment for me. Free of stress and free of worry, away from all the problems that I have now.
It’s hard to just not tell everyone that I’m taking my stuff and I’m disappearing for awhile, though as much as I want to I could never afford it. More recently my mind has been on the ever approaching convention known as Saboten Con, I legitimately think that this con has stressed me out more than any other con I’ve been to. With people losing both their job and housing within weeks of each other it’s grating on my mind where the future of our panelist group (the Mahou Shoujo Defense Force) is headed, as much as I hate to say it I feel there is a rift between us that will eventually cause us to collapse in on each other.
Though a majority of my stress has come from the fact that we’ve been told countless times that “oh yeah you should hear about your panels here soon” and we’re almost a month out at this point, it’s also stemming from being in the middle of a war of words with both offending parties about money for the hotel(or previous hotels) and not doing anything with our panels in general. Having to be on both sides of this equation is making want to pull my damn hair out because not only is it going to affect our future convention plans but what’s worse that it will affect our friendship. As much as I want to try to fix things, they just keep getting worse and worse.
To add to the stress as well is my job, my constant interaction with people has really started to kill my sense of caring. Dealing with all of these stupid people day in and day out can really destroy ones sense of humanity, and with interaction being one of the main focal points at work it really kills me to fake my way through a 6-8 hour day. I’ve definitely thought about quitting more than a few times but I’m not sure how I’d fair with any other job out there, to be honest I really want a job that doesn’t require me leaving my house so I don’t have to interact with people who aren’t like me. Unfortunately that would require me going to college(which I neither want or care about) and losing a bunch of money that I would rather keep.
I guess in a sense I may be over reacting but I just feel like more bad stuff has happened than good recently, it really brings me to a terrible thought process that I’d rather not deal with any more. I’m seriously wondering whether or not I have depression, may be I’ll pay my doctor a visit this week to find out. Well regardless I guess I’ll try my best to ride this crashing roller coaster out for as long as possible until it either gets back on track or it bursts into flames
So until then this is Pervy Fatman,
I’ll See You On The Other Side…